fall in love

Hey sweet bling blings.

Currently having my heart on someone, i thought i could play it cool and casualize it. But unfortunately, i fall into my own trap.

I was kinda devastated tho. My mood runs low, and i wonders why had i fallen? They say it may just be a crush, but i always believe that everything happens for a reason.

The challenge now is by how am i going to tune this feeling to the right mode?

Things that i learn by carrying this colour inside.

I got a friend who kinda had a crush on me as well, i used to tell him that i normally avoid the guy who likes me ( i dont know why ) so i advised him not to like me, we better be friends than entering a stage where i avoid him. But the truth is, i could sense his intention of wanting to be with someone. When what i seek from him was just friendship. But do you know if he just be cool and we would just spend time together casually as friend who knows i will get used to him and we might even stand a chance.

I should use my own advise, his rushing to be with someone when he dont have to if he would just let things go with the flow. I guess, am rushing as well. So eat my own advise. Let thing go w the flow.

Ps/ i love you

Ridiculous peoples, tonight

Tell me about it. 


This is what happened just now. My aunt and i went to SKH, she wanted to buy some vegetables so we stop by on the way to work.


My Shampoo kan abis sudah, so i asked her " auntie, can we buy some shampoo? " with a gentle tone.
Who knew that she would fire up her own hair and start bursting flame out of her mouth. 
" what? it's not even a month yet, you know it's expensive? " - well, FYI- i got thick and long hair anyway, so i just kept quiet standing at a side, while she look for vegetable around but her mouth hadn't finish cursing and scolding. She made a round, come back to where i stand pointed at me and keep scolding and made another turn. pffft*
And she scolded all the way to work, didn't even took a break to breath. 
Just don't understand why she had to talk in such a way like it's a big deal or so that she bought 1 shampoo for me last month. She could just replied she don't want to buy, as simple as that but instead she....
nah` useless, dad won't even bother to buy anything for me, not even shampoo. Mom ? sorry, she got her own problem to solve. 


I took a deep breath and keep asking myself to be patient. So many times, i almost swear and join her species to have a war with her. And that totally crashed my mood, but i went up and sat down quiet myself down but. sighs *
How could she be so ridiculous. Or maybe i was the problem as well.


Tonight ! is really a Big Night, well i always assumed it that way when ever i'm really doing something on my own. So yeaa, it is..


Oh, i do have some problems * raising up my hand *
ermm. but i would definitely pray and hope everything will go well later. :) esp the conversation with the team.
will announce the result tomorrow as well.


Just so you forget, after tomorrow i'm going to Miri- KL then KL - Tianjin.
It's just pretty uncomfortable that dad didn't cared much about me. Like sighs* forget it.


Ohh ermm. leaving Brunei definitely misses my awesome friends here. :(
Why i don't feel awesome going there? Maybe i'm clinging to too many things here.
Just pray that i'll let go, and go with an empty heart with much smile to fill. :D


Tonight tonight tonight.
Hope it ain awkward for me, Hope everything turns out to be well. Don't lose my guard. :D


I've been thinking about one particular guy. 
Well, he could definitely i mean i trust him and it would be cool to have him in the team as well.
Well, i'll let tonight discussion decided my new decision. :)

Hello reader.

Not a very peaceful morning but i managed to keep my mouth shut to avoid unnessary conversation that may cause conflits and result an unpleasant morning.

Result-
i was the one over thinking because rui had a great night last night with two new friends to keep. Fiona yanshiang's cousin who just came back from CANADA, i knowright. And Sally a.k.a jackfruit. Both are wonderful. And indeed a great night. We all went to play badminton and had a drink after that with the others.

Yea, i did had some problems. Esp when people bring up the topic that i should be heading back to school. I met this lady yesterday and no doubt she tried to convince me to go back to school. I appreciate her kindness and yes i got second thought.

But a zillion thanks to yanshiang as she display her great support for me. Thats just what i needed. Indeed, God is good.

Actually, i notice something really bad about me. I had never expect that i had such character, actually its new. I always look away esp to the guy i had an eye on. Who am i?- ted mosby season 1?

Haha. Either way, very greatful towards yanshiang. Life has been prettty challenging. Sometime we just need some words of encouragement and that would be sufficient to keep us going.

Canada! Haha.

Dear readers.

Today, you are advice to be cautious as i'm furiously annoyed. God grace ! My morning was greeted by a problematic woman. Indeed, the challenge has arrived. A challenge to test my patience and train me to handle these impossible of the impossible.my weakness has always been my family.

But my morning didnt just stop there. Due to her own unsolved problem, she blow her anger to me. Sigh what a morning. Dislike people who only listen to themselve and always assume themself right. Just like my beloved dad and the rest of the siblings. -__-

How i wish i could just walk away, come on. Its not like im despo to work for you and to have this job. What i dislike most are people above you actually said ' i pay you not want you do this do that ' seriously, yes dissaticfation complain here. And hold my breath' think here is enough.

I have like 126 days till rui independance day! Better sing a long the ruitional anthem ! Cause that is when rui reborn and take a breath of freedom for the very first time in her 18year life- over.

Hey, i recognize the unnessary of the work i accomplish above but thats expression. And if they are failed to be express, it may result stress and heart problem as well as arising of a new issue. Moreover it may end up expressing directly to the subject which clearly have sufficient reason that it's not actually a bad thing.

Iknowright. I dont realy get it either. Anyway,yanshiang texted- hey, i dont deny the fact that people do change. But yea, she texted with detail and just that. No additional expression which made me felt rather weird and strange. But yea. Now lets just assume that i over think about this but i will announce the result tomorrow peace.

And no! I'm really tired. Definitely would choose a break from all of these routine. Tomorrow having lunch with gugu, cool actually. We will be talking more ideas and he will definitely be a great help for me. Thank God for this angel sent.

Headache, assuming migrant. If dont feel well quit tonight activity and watch tv. Hehehe.paaans.

Tired much. Love you all,
until next time.
Xoxo-r

Total Mood Swing.

Gosh, never really expect that i would felt this way today. Not in my greatest mood at the moment, i slept late last night due to insomnia and moreover i overslept and missed out not going to the dental clinic with my brothers.
Went to work, then sighs* this auntie of mine, she just can't take a deep breath and relax and all she goes is nagging about something she clearly do not understand how it works. And she'd even said " i hire you, not for you to do your own work " i'm like speechless. Fire raging within, manage to extinguish it but ....


And that probably was the reason i'm so moody now. And think about the tons of work i had to manage, i never really expect this one coming. Not that i really mind about it, i mean i do enjoys every work given just that perhaps i just didn't manage each of it well. despite my busy night activities.


I'll tell you what i need to rush about. This Friday, i got this huge thing coming out with most elders and i'm like the only baby there doing my baby talk. Well, i probably need a speech which i have not prepare yet. I really need a speech where ever i go because i would go blank if i didn't.


August is still fine, plan to sungkai with most of my friends on Aug.
Syasa, via and hazman probably. :) then also with The dancers group, don't forget the cool dudes, fyzan,pesal,fathur,lil'Z, and etc. So step up 3 please wait for me to come back.


September, going to Manila and some part of China as well from 12th-21th Sept. Coming back and i need to rush to prepare my awesome sis's bday surprise.
So i need to make sure everything before 11th. ( bare in mind )
And when i come back,


October, yea i still have OCT to worry about. Gosh, it's killing me.
One of my brother's bday is on October, so it's actually a surprise as well and i need to find and talk to someone to help me put everything up. and After His bday i'm rushing myself Down to Kuala Lumpur for my other sister's bday there. see how everything actually connects? Coming back on Oct 17. and NO DOUBTS i got tons of people to catch up and paper work to do.


November, my birthday let's not get too happy about that part first. So, getting my car license and catching up & finding information as well. And More on December !! OMG ! Kill me NOT.


I need to focus on one part? Well, easy to say but think about Dance, Org, Seeker, Birthday. :D Seriously, just keep me alive. (: love you much.


I pray that i could manage everything well without feeling so tired and restless as well.
Take it step by Step. Amen ! 

New things to learn, i'm not a good kid

So last post was about going back to school.


I think i'm not an angel now because one of my college is having flu.  And she is not going around looking for document as i'm here sitting blogging for you guys while listening to a Spanish song. :D really a mood lifter <3
I loved French, Spanish and etc. :D sounds awesome by the way.


So last few days, i'm pretty pumped up as usual. I'm always motivated with the things i decided to do. And yes, i was fully charged for both Group. But the unexpected new routine installed in my weeks had caused me to be restless. Not that i really mind, i do enjoy the every different activities it provides but i guess i'm just unable to fully cope up with so much activities and despite my works at noon. I know you worked too, but yeaa. this little brat just can't get herself hyper if she don't have her energy so, excused her. :D


I'm not a good girl, (: i may look delightful and fulled with smile. But inside i'm this bad bad naughty girl.
To be honest, i'm having hard times with both my parents. I can't specify which is better because both are almost equal. Tired much, so yeaa. i'm having hard times in dealing both and trying to get a good way to talk to both. Hope no more ugly argument ! And sighs * i got few things i need to practice, which is quite challenging for me.


1st - No verbal hate 
This one is easy, despite my well control of No-swearing to anyone. But i do often, depreciate someone's value not in a total judgement way of course just sometimes, their action cause people to actually say it. But yeaa. learning not to depreciate a person's value. I don't usually does that la.. don't be afraid.


2nd- Silent hate.
This one should be listed the last because this would be the hardest for every human nature ever alive. I tried to practice this but my mind and heart does not give me any option to think as it just think when it wishes to. So, yeaaa. 


Just when i got home last night with new lesson to learn, trying to avoid both of verbal hate and silent hate. Less than 30 minutes, i just did one. My dad, -____-" again, talking, blaming, pushing responsibility to me and talked like it's what i should do and not him. Seriously, i'm couldn't handle that feeling he used to gives me like 9 years ago. How could i bear to not be angry within me? :C


Daddy Daddy. Just a tittle in the family, not the ROLE.
Sadly, i do hope that things will go well in this family but even it's heading to the worst. bring it on. :D


3rd- Smile eventho it hurts ! ( Jokes ) Learn not to Pre-judge and Judge at the same time.
So, learn not to pre-judge and when i do. Just think another way round and judge them to be a friendly, lovely kinded person. Practice it and you'll get used to judge someone by positive-ly. :)
awesome ! :D


Again, Gosh` totally in some mood for love. :D
First, it was him and now this? OMG` complaining to myself that " didn't i get the authority to choose who i like? " Please don't let me fall into guy random-ly okay? because it's not Fun and you just did that again. -____-"
Totally 

going back to school ?

Dude, i'm like what with that? what's with you?
Am i the one blinded by what i wanted to do with what i should do ?


My aunt told me, she wanted me to get back to school. she want's me to university.
I said, i don't even know what subject i wanted to take. She said it's ok, just go back and ...


Sighs* i felt like as if i'm a spoiled messed up kid whom's so hard headed that i wouldn't want to listen to any advice given and just go along for what i think i should do. Definitely, elders older and etc would say, think that i should listen to elderly advices because the salt they eat is more than the rice i intake, which also mean they know more than i do and etc etc.


But that doesn't mean every advice given would be the best way for me. We all grow in different way, most people went to college & university but maybe God blesses me financially with a different way. There's always a reason for everything, i wasn't brought up in a lucky family like you guys do. Not only financially, even this messed up family that i grew up at. That's not even a place to raise young kids, they would disordered a young child Innocent growing stage. And so, i would definitely say, if one of my parent's didn't managed to leave this family. you would totally see me in university blogging this post & as if my mom were to be more knowledgeable to keep my education doing well, and that my father would be more understanding and were able to take care of this young girl with guidance and love. I guarantee that, i wouldn't even had all this idea,thought and perspectives.


Seriously? Don't give me the whole " because your born in such families, that's why you need to work harder " speech. Seriously, not to be rude but that's what we usually see in movies. Poor kids striving hard for success to get a good family. 


Let's just say, Human weren't born to do all these. No phrases from any wise men says that we had to study real hard, go to university to have a good future. Not even the word " university, college" existed in the phrases of the wise. 


I want to be confident, and i want to say - See how will i grow, and see how God will bless my life wonderfully. Amen ! 


Thanks for all the concern.